Admirable leadership takes skill and understanding how to draw out the best qualities in those who surround you and trust you to be their leader. I love learning about leadership, and as a social scientist, I have a fair idea of how to empathetically understand the people around me. I strive to be a leader who is brave, a servant at heart, and someone who helps the people around me strive for better. I expect much of those I work with, partly because I expect even more from myself. What are the leadership qualities that I aspire to and which are those that I truly try to avoid? I’ll lay those out here, along with my plan for lifting others in their leadership roles too.
Leadership Qualities
I know that not everyone is as obsessed with Brene Brown as I am, but she really does have some excellent resources for leaders based on actual evidence and experience. In her book Dare to Lead, she lays out four important things that leaders must be ready to do in order to lead with bravery. Leaders must be ready to rumble with vulnerability and have hard conversations in a respectful way. We have to live into our values and hold with compassion the brave reciprocal trust of those around us. Leaders must also learn to rise to the challenges presented to them. These might sound simple, but surely Dr. Brown wouldn’t have such a thriving career if that was true. Humans are complicated, and a real leader understands human behavior and is brave enough to check their own ego and lead from a place of vulnerability and positivity.
Servant leaders strive to listen with empathy, and focus on healing. They use their awareness and persuasion to promote the conceptualization of the direction that they want to go. They have foresight and focus on stewardship for building community and fostering the growth of those around them. Servant leaders know that they are not the most important element, rather what the group together can accomplish. These are qualities that I want to embody as a leader.
Importantly, excellent leaders always need to keep inclusivity in mind, which starts by with prioritizing equality in every action that is taken. Excellent leaders listen with empathy and create a culture of transparency. They only allow healthy discourse, which includes both accountability AND forgiveness. As a leader, I will always practice inclusive meetings where everyone should be heard, no matter how loud their voice is. I want to invite people to our crowded table, and to give credit where it is due. I want to prioritize recognition for those who help our team raise the bar and spread out the high profile and important jobs fairly. I especially want to make sure that we are celebrating everyone in mind, such as keeping all major religions and holidays in mind when scheduling meetings. (source)
Leadership Qualities to Avoid
We’ve all encountered leaders who come from a place that we don’t appreciate. Leaders who are ego-driven and purposefully exclude people are some of the most frustrating people to me. These are the 3 most awful qualities a leader can have in my opinion:
Bullying is the most egregious leadership quality in my opinion. Leaders who use their positions to make others feel bad about themselves and their work are bullies. Adult bullies might get things done, but they also break much in the process, including the people that surround them and the organizations they head. Some examples of bullying leadership: slandering people, gaslighting, intentionally leaving people out of conversations, pitting people against one another, spreading rumors, call ambushing (hello Mean Girls), and using intimidation to influence people.
Leaders who are excessively secretive, are not people that I generally trust. Yes, there are good reasons to keep organizational secrets, but what I mean is a leader who is holding secret meetings, harboring a secret agenda, or making sure that information and alliance silos are both created and perpetuated. These are leaders who are using their position for personal, financial, and political gain. These leaders don’t have any interest in creating a culture of transparency, and their secrets are actually hurtful to both those around them and the entire organization that they head.
Leadership Solutions
If we want to build a thriving organization that sets the standard for doulas around the world and invites everyone to join our mission, then it starts with leadership. It starts with leaders who lift up and celebrate those around them while leading with humility. A culture of transparency and zero tolerance for bullying would also be an important step in the right direction. If we want to build a better organization, then a robust and mobilized ethics committee is going to be extremely important! (BTW: there is currently no Ethics Committee Chairperson.)
There is currently a leadership vacuum at DONA International! There are more vacant leadership positions than there are people in leadership. We need to prioritize inviting people to apply and helping them feel excited to be there. Once there, they need to be given clear direction for expectations and access to the resources they need to work on local projects and help the doulas in their area. What amazing and location specific ideas and talent are we missing? How can our larger organization help local doulas thrive and want to lead? How can DONA International serve our members by listening to their needs and helping them achieve their goals at the local level too?
It is time to focus our collective energies on our mission and members. It is time to simplify and organize. It is time for servant leaders to take the bullies by the reigns and shine a light on the important work being done by the impressive doulas at DONA International. How will you contribute to this organization? How can this organization better serve you?